If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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