Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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