**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
