Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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