First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
