A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
