I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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