even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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