Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize