I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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