so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
