i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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