i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
