some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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