they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its liver damage thursday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
