He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will be naked everywhere
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
