i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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