It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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