Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize