Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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