Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
