Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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