haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
