The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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