proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
