I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
