She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I take back everything I said about communal showers
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
