Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
