How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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