Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
