So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
