MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
