I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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