That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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