haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
