Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So many bounce houses so little time
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize