Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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