the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize