dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
