I just saw a hot homeless man
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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