So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
