You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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