So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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