Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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