how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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