sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
