this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
