I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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