she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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