Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
