it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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