i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
