There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
