in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
