White coat. Heels.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
