yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
