I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
