so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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