Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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