cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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