Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
