i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize