Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
