So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
