I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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