weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
