I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
