your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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