this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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