I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dicks are not precious.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
