if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
